A lot has passed since I last blogged. Well, all I want to do right now is to rant. I'd like to namedrop, but that would totally suck for me so I won't. I mean, I love all my friends, but today, I just need to vent out.. Alot.

Here we go...

Every time you have a problem, I'm there for you. I tell you that all you have to do it to wait but you don't. You tell me that your past best friend and the guy who's courting you are mad at you. Why do you think so? You act so childish at times. You can't help but want the attention, and yet you don't want any. Do you get that? Cuz somehow I don't. I'm lost in my thoughts. I try to help, I do. But sometimes, you don't listen. No one ever does. I feel like I'm wasting my breath on you guys. I asked you if you wanted me to talk to them, but you said that you didn't want to. Why? Are you that scared? Are you even aware that you're sad because of your own decisions?.. I've almost had enough, but you're important to me. You're one of my friends, and even though I get little in return, I'm happy.

When we talk, we sometimes connect. We laugh some times but wallow and be sad at most.You're the most emo person I know. It's great exchanging ideas and sad stories with you, but don't you know that being overly sensitive is stupid. I don't think you shifted because it was hard for you. I think you deliberately failed for your girlfriend. Dude, what if she finds out that you left your course for her? Sure, it's sweet and all that, but what will people think of her? What do you think? You've just made both of yourselves look bad. You're a bright guy and yet you risk everything for her. What if you break up? It's not that I'm saying that you will, but what if? Anything is possible you know. You're just stupid and I dunno how I can help you. I want to, but YOU NEVER FUCKING LISTEN. Also, don't you know that I hate you most times mainly cuz YOU GIVE ME FALSE HOPE. Stop being like my parents! I get it that they're like that, but you? Of all people. Just cut the crap dude. CUT THE FUCKING CRAP. plzkthx.

Ever since High school, you've had a lot of men on your feet. You've played with others, you used others. I kinda think my own mother sees that in you. I do, but I don't care. You're my best friend, I think you are. What's changed though? I'm sorry for saying this, but you're becoming more of a slut. I'm hoping this would be THE real relationship that you can have. He's a great guy and he'll take care of you. But, you've been so obsessed. Do you see that in yourself? Can't you see that other people do? Some of the people you hang out with actually back stab you. I try not to, I slip sometimes, but I choose my words carefully. Sometimes, I see myself talking to them, and they open up the topic. I just nod cuz that's all I can do. I try to always be neutral. I hope you understand that. I remember when you laughed when I said that I was going to a concert of a Christian band. You laughed at me. I know the "you can always laugh at your friend" thing, but can't you respect the other people that were around me that time? You knew that they were going too, but you weren't close to them. Still you should have some respect right? I understand though, I know you don't believe and I'm okay with that. You know that you're important to me. You know that I'll always be there for you, trying my hardest to keep up with your nightlife, your problems, and everything.


I thank you for the things you've done for me. For being the big brother that I never had, for being the best friend anyone could ever see. But everyone has their flaws, meaning so do you. We don't talk often about our problems anymore. It's somewhat great because we don't care about he bad times anymore, but I miss the bonding thing. Last Friday, we talked about one of our friends. You said that he wanted to talk to you and yet you don't care. I understand how you feel but you should also understand what our friend should say. He's got a say in the topic anyway, he's the boyfriend. And you said that you were over her, but you don't show it. Why? We all know that you act sweet around everyone, he should know that too. But too much can just be wrong too. You should know that, right? In any other way, I'm with you all the way. That's what siblings are for. But always know that I will warn you of these stuff. Just to keep you out of harm's way.

I can never get you. You act like your asshole friends already. You don't know that I like you and you wouldn't even bother if you did. Doesn't that hurt? Either way, I'll admire you from afar. I get hugs from you that I really like, but those are only friendly hugs. I appreciate it anyway. Thank you for driving me home last school year. Thank you for sharing the things about your friends to me, I feel helpful when you do. But under all of that, I really don't know you much. I remember when you suddenly gave me an ass comment. Of course it hurt. And you know what first came in my mind? You were becoming like the two asshole friends of yours. I know them, I can read them. They like the attention, they think they're so great. I hope you don't totally become one of them. I hope. I know that you got angry at one of them. But you're too nice and that's what makes you admirable. But still, "If you can't beat them, join them" is not exactly a positive thing you know.

You make me feel like shit. I like you too. I know I can't like the same persons at the same degree. And to tell you the truth, I like to more than I do him. But all I can do is admire from afar. I try to get away from you, but it's just so hard. You're too much. Whenever I see you I want to die. Srsly. Because you already have someone, and I know that both of you will be happy in the future. It hurts the most to know that I'm only a friend, or even maybe less. I guess that's all I can say.

I'm sorry you guys, for saying this in a blog rather than saying it face to face. You know I'm a coward not a fighter. I'm afraid of loneliness and reject. But don't worry, by the time you get to read this I'd be already dead or out exploring the world as my last goal in life. I'm dreadfully sorry for the things I've said here and in real life. I don't know if you guys will understand or be there for me your whole lives. I'll try to be. Just know that I'll be with you, even if I'm miles away, trying to comfort you in the best way that I can. You can kill me now if you want, I wont blame you. Thank you.