... so fucking happy today and I have no idea why.
Damn! HAHAHAHA xDDD
Monday, March 31, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Ahh! Dammit.
Recently, I told her who I was. Yeah, her reaction was expected. I knew she was going to stay away from me. It's been about 3 days now since we hadn't talked to each other face to face.
I am so fucking pissed at myself, I fucking want to die right now. Yes. Now. I don't care if you think I'm stupid cuz I already know that I'm a freaking idiot!..
So shut up.
... I'm pretty much fucked up right now. I dunno what to do. I don't want to lose her. She's my friend.
Dammit!.. Damn everything! Damn!.. DAMN!. FUCK.
What am I supposed to do now?... SHIT.
Recently, I told her who I was. Yeah, her reaction was expected. I knew she was going to stay away from me. It's been about 3 days now since we hadn't talked to each other face to face.
I am so fucking pissed at myself, I fucking want to die right now. Yes. Now. I don't care if you think I'm stupid cuz I already know that I'm a freaking idiot!..
So shut up.
... I'm pretty much fucked up right now. I dunno what to do. I don't want to lose her. She's my friend.
Dammit!.. Damn everything! Damn!.. DAMN!. FUCK.
What am I supposed to do now?... SHIT.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Crushed By A Crush
What does it take to tell someone that you like him?... What does it take to tell him that you think he's cute or that you admire him for his athletic abilities?.. What about his intelligence and kindndess?
I thought that he could be the one who could change me. The one who would destroy the negative things that I have in me. But how come he doesnt want to?.. Am I blinded by false admiration?... I thought that he liked me back.
I remember a camp we went to at school. Whereever he went, I followed. Not stalked, mind you, but he asked me to go with him. So I did, since I liked him so much. We had fun with friends and that night, we had an open forum. We had to give each one of the participants a wish. I was seated beside him and a wall. I was the first one to say the wishes and I just thanked him and wished that he would have a good life. When it was his turn, he said the same thing.
It contiued until it was my best friend's turn to say her wishes. (She knew everything) She looked at my crush and said "Open your eyes! There's something you don't see. There are a lot of things that are happening that you don't know of so open your eyes." I gave her a shocked stare. In my head I screamed at her "What are you doing?!" but I just laughed at her and thanked her, in my thoughts, for saying what she said.
My crush was puzzled at what she just said. And out of the blue, he lay his head on my shoulder and whispered "Can I ask you something later?" I felt like I was going to explode. What was he going to ask me about? Did he notice? Does he know? Did my best friend leak too much info? I was so scared and excited at the same time but I nodded at him with a smile.
That night, before dinner, I kept asking him "What was it you were going to ask me about?" and he kept saying that he would tell me later. So I waited, we took pictures with friends, and he only told me after dinner (I think) I was hoping for a better question, but what he asked was "What do you think your best friend meant about what she said? I dont really get it. Although some people say that im sometimes cold." I smiled at him again. "Maybe something is going to happen" I said. But that's all I remember of what I said. I'm sorry, I'm terribly forgetful.
Anyways, after that camp, we all went home. I logged in on my multiply site and commented on some friends and I saw on his webpage, one of the pictures that we took together. I felt so happy, even though if he just uploaded it like that accidentally. I know that he wouldnt really like me the same way that I liked him.
Fast forward to another camp we went to. This camp made me sad and happy at the same time. I got to meet new people, new friends, and learned a few stuff while I was there. So, my crush was already part of that organization, and I was a participant. Therefore, he had work to do, and I had my own thing. Every now and then, I see him with a girl, an aquiantance of ours, a nice girl. She was always with him and I was so jealous. I remember a certain break time where me and a friend of mine were at the gym, we saw the girl and of course we greeted her. She smiled, greeted back and said "Have you seen *him*?" We shook our heads since we didnt know where he was and she tried to look for him. I felt that he liked her and she liked him and I ... well, I was just a pimple on the face of a good relationship. So I just sighed.
Mhm.. and now, after weeks of those camps, I checked his page and our pic was changed. The one where we were together... Right now, I'm really jealous. And, my jealousy is something that can kill me yet I dont show anyone that I am greatly affected.
I have no fucking idea. What am I to do?
I thought that he could be the one who could change me. The one who would destroy the negative things that I have in me. But how come he doesnt want to?.. Am I blinded by false admiration?... I thought that he liked me back.
I thought oh so wrong.
I remember a camp we went to at school. Whereever he went, I followed. Not stalked, mind you, but he asked me to go with him. So I did, since I liked him so much. We had fun with friends and that night, we had an open forum. We had to give each one of the participants a wish. I was seated beside him and a wall. I was the first one to say the wishes and I just thanked him and wished that he would have a good life. When it was his turn, he said the same thing.
It contiued until it was my best friend's turn to say her wishes. (She knew everything) She looked at my crush and said "Open your eyes! There's something you don't see. There are a lot of things that are happening that you don't know of so open your eyes." I gave her a shocked stare. In my head I screamed at her "What are you doing?!" but I just laughed at her and thanked her, in my thoughts, for saying what she said.
My crush was puzzled at what she just said. And out of the blue, he lay his head on my shoulder and whispered "Can I ask you something later?" I felt like I was going to explode. What was he going to ask me about? Did he notice? Does he know? Did my best friend leak too much info? I was so scared and excited at the same time but I nodded at him with a smile.
That night, before dinner, I kept asking him "What was it you were going to ask me about?" and he kept saying that he would tell me later. So I waited, we took pictures with friends, and he only told me after dinner (I think) I was hoping for a better question, but what he asked was "What do you think your best friend meant about what she said? I dont really get it. Although some people say that im sometimes cold." I smiled at him again. "Maybe something is going to happen" I said. But that's all I remember of what I said. I'm sorry, I'm terribly forgetful.
Anyways, after that camp, we all went home. I logged in on my multiply site and commented on some friends and I saw on his webpage, one of the pictures that we took together. I felt so happy, even though if he just uploaded it like that accidentally. I know that he wouldnt really like me the same way that I liked him.
Fast forward to another camp we went to. This camp made me sad and happy at the same time. I got to meet new people, new friends, and learned a few stuff while I was there. So, my crush was already part of that organization, and I was a participant. Therefore, he had work to do, and I had my own thing. Every now and then, I see him with a girl, an aquiantance of ours, a nice girl. She was always with him and I was so jealous. I remember a certain break time where me and a friend of mine were at the gym, we saw the girl and of course we greeted her. She smiled, greeted back and said "Have you seen *him*?" We shook our heads since we didnt know where he was and she tried to look for him. I felt that he liked her and she liked him and I ... well, I was just a pimple on the face of a good relationship. So I just sighed.
Mhm.. and now, after weeks of those camps, I checked his page and our pic was changed. The one where we were together... Right now, I'm really jealous. And, my jealousy is something that can kill me yet I dont show anyone that I am greatly affected.
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